Should I Start Elf on the Shelf? Pros & Cons (and a Compromise)
If you’re looking for more magic and traditions during Christmas, you might be wondering: Should I should start Elf on the Shelf? What are the pros and cons? Here’s a new perspective on this emotionally exhausting but very fun tradition.
I love Christmas, and I love the magic of it, but I have a love/hate with this beloved tradition… and it’s not why you think!
Every Christmas season our Facebook feeds are filled with parents complaining about the elf:
OMG! Tonight’s the night and I can’t remember where we hid it last year!
The dog ate it! Where can I find another one asap (it’s 11pm at night)?
My kid just woke up and is crying because the elf didn’t move. I forgot to move it. #momoftheyear #IhateChristmas
My kid said Brandon said HIS elf arrives with $20 -is this even for real?
I just accidently spilled an entire bottle of glitter on the carpet trying to set up this $#$%@ elf
My kid wants to know why we have one elf and Emily’s family has one for each kid??? I don’t know, because your mom is at. her. wit’s. end.
why do other people have to go all Pinterest with their elf? Can’t we all just take this down a notch and have it sit on a freakin’ shelf?
and the list goes on…
But here’s what gets me— all this complaining is really about the wrong stuff. There are two major problems with our current Elf on the Shelf situation that no one’s talking about.
Mom Guilt
Yeah, it can be a pain to move it each night, but that’s self-inflicted. No one should make you feel like you aren’t doing enough. If your elf sits on a shelf all December, own it! Don’t feel bad about it! Don’t compare yourself to another mom who might love moving the elf. There’s 100% something you do way better than she does - we each have our strengths.
So, should you start the elf on the shelf? Yes, if you can ditch the mom guilt. Now for problem #2:
2. Reporting to Santa
This. This is the main reason I dislike the Elf on the Shelf. Our precious, beautiful, intrinsically GOOD children are led to believe they may not get anything from Santa, and that elf is watching, waiting to tattle.
Let me say that again: your intrinsically good child is doubting her goodness.
Our children are being taught that they might not be good enough to get on Santa’s nice list. That the elf is watching their every move. That if they mess up one too many times, on the naughty list they go. No presents!
Teaching inherently good children that they can’t mess up “or else” is against everything I believe as a mom, as a flawed person who wants second chances, and especially as a Christian.
No child should doubt he’s good enough.
Here’s what changed me: Our oldest was a very sensitive and very black-and-white child. When he was 4 he was upset at bedtime. He couldn’t even look me in the eye, but he told me that he didn’t think Santa was coming for him because he was mean to his sister earlier that day. He carried that worry for hours, and after the words came out, he sobbed.
Despite all my reassurances that he was a GOOD boy, and good boys are allowed to make mistakes, and Santa knows it was just a bad moment, he still doubted. And my heart was changed.
So, should you start the elf on the shelf? No, not if you believe children are intrinsically good.
Lucky you! I’ve found the perfect compromise!
In our house we have elves (one for each child, and the dog, and yeah, I know that’s ridiculous). They get up to shenanigans, which the kids LOVE. I enjoy thinking up/Pinning new elf tricks. I love watching the children hunt for the elves in the morning and shriek when they find them. I love the magic!
But our elves don’t report to Santa. They are loosely based on kindness elves. About 1/2 the time they leave messages or acts of kindness, such as “do something nice for your brother today.”
This compromise allows our children to experience the magic and fun of the elves, but still stays true to my belief that no child should doubt their goodness.
It’s a win-win!
Ok, bottom line… should you start the elf on the shelf? Yes, IF you can ditch the mom guilt and make some modifications!
What do you think? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!
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