What does "home" mean to you?

We have one very literal child; anything we say is examined for precise language and literal meaning. He asked why I called this site Places We Call Home because “isn’t home only one place? Can you have more than one place that’s home?”

Yes!

I have a dear friend who’s family lived in the same house her entire life. She and her siblings moved out, got married, and bought their own houses, but she was upset when her parents decided to sell their home. That was her home! It really wasn’t, not anymore, but… it was.

Do you knock on your parent’s door, or just walk in? In once sense, it’s still your home, but it’s not really.

See how tricky the word “home” gets?

I’ve had many homes: growing up I lived in 3 homes. Then I lived in a different place for each year of college and for 2 years after college. Dave and I have lived in 5 homes. Plus we have the places we call home - Dave’s mom’s home and my parents’ home, when we stay with them for a week or two, and parents’ vacation home, which we visit for a few weeks. If you count all those places, that’s 17 homes! I guess because “home” was never one, set, unmoving place for me, I call any place where we stay for more than a night “home;” adding in all those vacation places would bring the count way higher than 17.

Home is a physical place. When we move, the last things to get packed and the first things to get unpacked are the children’s rooms. I set them up in the new spaces as close as possible to how they looked in the old space. This immediately makes the new rooms feel like home, which is comforting and reassuring. Our home is where we take refuge from the outside world and always find safety, love and comfort. It’s where we gather and connect as a family.

Our newest home, just outside of Toronto, Ontario. 2019.

But home is so much more than just the walls surrounding our little family of five. It’s the people and the love in the space. I know that sounds cheesy (because it is!). Why do Mima’s and Nana’s houses feel like home? Because they’re filled with love and work and sacrifice. They each do so much work to make us feel at home: there are special kid sheets and beds; all our favorite foods are in the fridge; the toys are out; they cook special meals; and they rearrange their lives to make time and space for us. All that work is love, and all that love is home.

“Home is filled with love made visible through work — work that shows someone else cares for you and loves you.”

I’ll never forget when we first moved to California, there was a two week gap between our possessions leaving PA and arriving in CA. During that time we stayed with Tom and Tracey (Dave’s brother and his wife). They didn’t have children yet, but they had set up a children’s room for Jack with books and toys and even a sign on the door. They opened their house to us… I have tears in my eyes thinking about how much love went into preparing for our visit.

When we travel to a hotel, that little room becomes “home” because it’s filled with the excitement of being together and sharing a new adventure. And there’s still the work of love: washing, planning and packing the outfits; organizing and optimizing the schedule; rounding up and packing all the little things like chapstick, bandaids, chargers and hearing aid batteries; and making sure the lovies, special blankets and stuffed animals stay with us.

Home is many things. It’s laughter, and the shared excitement of being together. It’s coffee with your mom before the day starts. It’s a ride from the airport and a room set up for your children. It’s going out of your way to make someone else’s life better. Most of all, it’s the work of mundane tasks - filing a fridge, making a bed, packing the extras. Home is filled with love made visible through work -- work that shows someone else cares for you and loves you.

When you’re feeling like your life is one long repeating chore list, think about love. When you think, “All I do is dishes, laundry, and picking up other people’s things” (I say this to my husband all the time), think about love. Your mundane, never-ending chores of motherhood are really works of love.

I’d love to hear what home means to you. Are you attached to the physical building? Have you moved often, and does that shape your idea of home? What kinds of work make the love in your home?