Tips to Help Your Child Beat the Blues

If your child is feeling down, you aren’t alone. Since the start of covid and lock-downs, this is something we battle often in our house, and the sadness seems to rotate through all of us. The last few weeks have been pretty hard on our oldest two, who are 9 & 10. They both celebrated quarantine birthdays for the first time. They spent Christmas without any family (it’s been over a year since they’ve seen any of their extended family in person). Their school switched from in-person to all virtual for what was supposed to be a week, which has turned into indefinitely. And our province issued stay-at-home-orders at least 2 weeks ago (I’ve lost count how many times and how long we’ve been in lock-down). Their biggest frustration is that these quarantine rules have been extended, and extended, and extended, and there’s no end in sight.

As parents, it’s heartbreaking to see your child sad and not be able to do much about it. There’s absolutely nothing I can do to open the border, or open sports, or schools, or stores. There’s nothing I can do… except be a source of support, love, and happiness in our house.

When our children have the blues, here’s what we do:

1. Remind him you love him, no matter what. Unconditional love goes a long way. Children don’t yet know how to manage stress and they’re just learning how to express their feelings. Give your child the reassurance that NO MATTER WHAT, you’re there for him. You’ve got his back. You will stand by her. You love her. That there’s nothing life can throw at you that you can’t handle together.

   
   

2. Limit screen time and increase person-to-person interaction. Since so much of their peer interaction is done through screens, I know it’s hard to limit this social time. Do it anyway. Hours and hours in front of screens isn’t good for anyone, let alone kids with developing minds. I know you have a lot to do, and screens keep all the kids busy… I know! But this is so important: your child is craving interaction. Play a game, do the dishes together, take a walk. If you need inspiration, please check out my Let’s Play Pinterest board.

   
   

3. Create order, certainties, and control. Keep to a routine. Plan out the meals for the week and post them. Let him help make the meal plan! Help him put his room and workspace in order and keep on top of assignments. Give her jobs to do. It may seem counter-intuitive to add to her workload, but giving your child a list of jobs that contributes to the good of the house gives her a sense of purpose and becomes part of the routine. Giving her the flexibility to do those jobs when she chooses during the week gives her something she can control. (Need help making a chore chart? Check this out!)

   
   

4. If the blues are related to something going on in the world, such as lock-downs, or riots, or wildfires, walk a fine line regarding information. Kids don’t need to know all the news or all the worries and problems you have. Unfortunately, we can’t keep them in a bubble, and they’re smart enough to know enough to be worried. Talk to your child about her concerns or what she may have heard, but don’t burden her with too much information. Tell the truth, even if the truth is “I don’t know.” One of the most frequent questions we get in our house is, “When will the [US/Canada] border open?” and our truthful answer is, “I don’t know.” It’s ok for your child to know you don’t have all the answers, but also let him know that you’re doing all you can to keep life normal and positive amidst all the uncertainty.

   
   

5. Get family and friends involved. First get the support you need to be strong for your child. Then look for ways to have your family and friends reach out directly to your child and engage them. Zoom, texting, and playing Xbox are good starts, but see #2 above? Think non-screens: phone calls, drive-bys, pen pals, and care packages. You can also check out my Mailing Love Pinterest board for lots of ideas on unique things to mail.

   
   

6. Get moving. We’re lucky to have a trampoline in our backyard. Some days I make the kids put on their snowsuits and jump. Most days we walk to the school field and play, even in the bitter cold. We do dance parties, obstacle courses, work out in the basement, and do (stupid) challenges, like who can run up the steps the fastest, who can do jumping jacks for a whole song, etc. We ride bikes, scooter, walk the dog around the block, run to the mailbox (down the street), even chores: vacuuming, dusting, sweeping and picking up get them moving.

   
   

7. Give him something to look forward to and something to live for. We just decided to do “fun Fridays” at our house as something to look forward to after each virtual school week. Little surprises can go a long way towards making life fun, and they don’t have to be big or cost a lot of money. Think of simple things your children would enjoy, like “queen for an hour” (she gets to be the boss for an hour) or paint Dad’s toenails!!!, or stay up late an extra 30 minutes, a favorite snack, a family activity, soda instead of water for lunch… you get the idea. If it’s possible, give your child something even bigger to look forward to. In our house, it’s the promise that as soon as the border opens, we will see our family- even skipping school to do so! Kids often can’t see past their immediate problem, so always remind them that tomorrow is a new day, and it’s sure to be better.

   
   

These are ways to help a child who’s sad and feeling blue, but it’s not an exhaustive list, and I’m not a healthcare professional. I’m just a mom who found these things make a difference. If you’re worried your child is depressed, seek professional help immediately. If I’m honest, there’s an 8th thing I do when our children are sad, and that’s read and research. The statistics about children and depression & suicide are upsetting. I want to keep a close eye on our children’s emotional health and make sure I’m not putting a band aid on something that requires a tourniquet.

I also think it’s important to say that there are days when I’m the one who’s blue. I let our children see this. I let them see me vulnerable and sad, and I let them be the cheerleaders. I let them see me pull myself together, count my blessings, and DO the things on the list above. I model for them. Think about it: if our children see us fall apart, crawl into bed for 3 days, and neglect ourselves and our duties, what are we teaching them? They are learning by watching us, so let’s give them good examples of how to cope with disappointment, frustration and sadness.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about this difficult subject. How do you help your child beat the blues? How do you model your sadness for them? Where do you struggle with this, and where do you shine?